I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
