I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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