Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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