I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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