The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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