I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
