I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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