So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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