I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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