Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize