Barsexuality is the new black.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
