Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
