I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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