You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
