Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
