new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
