Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
did you just send me my own nude
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
