just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
