I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
