god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
birth control should be required to get into college
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
