Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
