Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
