We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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