I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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