I'm really into asian looking animals
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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