i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
