her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
