Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
barbara walters just said penis...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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