In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
