the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize