Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You made out with two different species that night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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