So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
