she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
