Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
