all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
