i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
