dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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