i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
