it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
