I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
