sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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