is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
