just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Man, jail baloney is awful.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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