I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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