She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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