yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
