it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
