The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
