I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
