I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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