I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We got so high we made milksteak
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
