Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
