I can tuck mytits in my pants
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
