I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
