I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
