Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize