He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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