And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
