Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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