Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
