i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
