Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize