I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
