For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
