The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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