I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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