the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize