yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
