If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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