Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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