fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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