Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
