Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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