The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
