Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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