Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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