She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
