Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize