somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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