Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
