So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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